in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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