I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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