is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
