And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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