she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
