Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
