Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
