Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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