so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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