So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
