I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
