Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
