this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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