just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize