We're facebook friends in real life
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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