sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
