i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wear drunk well.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize