I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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