It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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