Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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