I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You are the jesus of drinking
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
