grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
