She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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