He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
