I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i think i have two assholes
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
