How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize