i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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