is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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