Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
