and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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