i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
