I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
