Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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