OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
