yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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