I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
