There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ugly people sure do ruin things
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
