oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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