Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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