So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
