why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
