hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
