All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
