hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
