I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
