Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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