Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i now understand why vodka
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
