Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
