dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
