:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize