I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
