i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
