dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
