First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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