why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
