You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
