No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
