I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
