I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize