You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
