Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
