At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
