Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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