i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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