From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
