So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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