No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize