nut hugger
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
