Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
