I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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