oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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